Divine Plagiarism

This letter started as a counter-accusation, an attempt to defend myself from her words through my own wit and so-called wisdom. It became, as of more than a year ago, an expression of honesty and growth that perhaps could not have happened any other way. It is appropriate, I think, to leave this letter at the beginning of all of these writings as a marking of the incomplete story at the heart of them all. May this story be brought to completion in His time, and may that completion include a real reconciliation. This remains my prayer.

I could not see how wrong I was. That does not mean that I was not right. Rightness and wrongness mixed together and became dissonance. I have no answers any more, no counter-arguments. You can think of me what you wish. It is between you and God. But I will pray with all my heart for reconciliation. I will own this brokenness, as far as I can, and I will bring it to God and lay it at His wounded feet. I will pray that His blood would wash over both of us, healing both of us, undoing the terrible wounds we have inflicted upon each other.

I pray for many miracles here. One is that He would meet my desires. I am in love with you, and I will not be ashamed of that any more, ever again. But if you never respected my heart, I never respected your will. And I was wrong not to. Learning this respect, there is a difference between reconciliation and my desire for you. There is a world where this war is ended, but I do not run from my heart. It is not one where we are the best of friends, but it is one where we are honest with ourselves and each other. I will pray accordingly.

There are no sides. There never were. There is Him, and He is all, and we both greatly fell short of Him. I am a man. I finally acknowledge my role. I take responsibility.

I am sorry that I hurt you. You are His precious daughter. May He and you forgive me.